Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
