Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
