im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
