Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
