Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
