No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
