i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
