Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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