I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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