who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
