my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
