I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
