so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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