I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
