I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
