my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
