There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
