Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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