i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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