chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She bit a glass in half.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
