If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
