WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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