she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
