I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
