Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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