i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
