I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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