when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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