I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
