Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
