He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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