Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
