gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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