If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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