8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
