i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
