What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
