Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
