The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
