I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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