Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
