My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
