We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
