God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
