there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
