I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
