Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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