I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
