By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like iHOP with fire
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
