Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
