maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then he peed in my hair
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