Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
