you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i need some magic done to my vagina
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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