i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
