You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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