some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
