college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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